So now...

Apparently, if it's not ear infections (praise the Lord for tubes!), it's RSV.  Poor little baby came down with a cough and fever on Wednesday evening, and the swab test at the doctor's office on Thursday (not fun, by the way) was positive for RSV.

So we had a weekend filled with cuddles and naps and trying to coax Miss Priss to eat.  She's pretty much the same today, which I suppose is semi-good in that it hasn't gone down into her lungs such that she's having difficulty breathing.  But it's also semi-bad in that, because she's still coughing and snotty, Micah and I both had to take half days today at work so we could trade off keeping her.  I mean, not that I'm complaining about extra time with my pretty girl.  I'm just suuuuuuuper busy at work right now.  And starting to feel pretty yucky, myself, on top of it all.

Also...

I got bangs!  My hair's so now... (name that movie!).

I'm still deciding whether I like them or not.  They look cuter in this picture than they do to me in the mirror. And I straightened them today, which feels weird.  So I'm just going to have to live with them for a little while and see how I feel then.

The rest of the week will probably be me blowing my nose and frantically trying to get things together for my sister-in-law's sip-n-see at our house on Sunday.  I think it's going to end up being pretty cute.

Alright, friends... back to work.

(How adorable are these two?  She wanted to wear her "hat" like Daddy's...)

Behind...

Things have been a little crazy around here, y'all.

Work is nuts, Grace is EVERYWHERE, and the house is a hot mess.  Throw in a holiday weekend, and life becomes utter chaos.

And I feel like I'm just flying by the seat of my pants every second of every day.  I've got emails to catch up on, a sip-and-see for my sister-in-law to finish planning, Grace's first birthday party to put together, dentist and eye doctor appointments to make, and tons of clutter to organize.

Every night I come home motivated to catch up with everything after Gracie goes to bed.  But then I just don't.  Micah and I perch ourselves on the couch and watch Big Bang Theory reruns and fall asleep before 10:00.

Eventually these things will get done.  At least that's what I keep telling myself. :)

(Her little bunny rabbit teeth just kill me.)

Otherwise, not a whole lot else is going on.  I did judge a mock trial tournament this weekend at the college I graduated from.  It was surreal and strange, but it was actually really neat to be back there for the first time in seven-ish years.  And I was reminded of how fast it all goes.  I swear, I was just graduating college, in love with a cute boy, terrified about law school, and about to move away from my family for the first time... Time really does fly.

Oh!  And I seriously HAVE to say a quick congratulations to one of my very best blog friends, Emily, whose sweet Lilly was born less than a month before Grace.  It looks like Miss Lilly is going to be a big sister come this fall, and I just couldn't be happier for them!   Congrats again, Emily!

One other thing I wanted to tell you guys is that I was selected to be a Confetti Babe Mama Blogger.  Confetti Babe is a shop created by two fabulous moms who make the most adorable headbands for little munchkins.  I'll be posting over on their blog occasionally and just wanted to let you guys know that you should totally stop in and say hello.

Make it a fabulous Tuesday, friends.

The struggle...

I left my baby crying this morning.

I knew it would happen eventually.  I knew that even my happy little girl would eventually notice that Mommy was leaving her for the day and that the smile I plaster on my face as I sneak one last glance at hers would fail to fool her.

At first I turned around and picked her right up because I just. couldn't. deal.  But when she started bawling again the second time I put her down, I knew I just had to walk away.

And it broke my heart, y'all.

One of the other sweet moms touched my shoulder as I started to glance back in the room and said, "Just keep on walking, mama.  She's going to be fine."  And, sure enough, after I stored her car seat in the designated area and came back to take another peek to check on her, she was smiling away and playing.

Except for the first week or so that I started back to work, I haven't dealt with a whole lot of working mom guilt.  The transition has honestly been so much smoother than I had any right to expect, and I'm thankful that, at least for now, I feel like I really can balance this job that I love doing with the family that I love spending time with.

But sometimes.  Sometimes I am overcome with regret for all the moments I'm missing.  She's learning new things every day, and cramming all of our time together into the nights and weekends leaves me craving her voice and her open-mouthed, slobbery kisses more than I can even tell you.  

I honestly wasn't even going to share this moment here because (1) I already posted a mushy mommy post this week and didn't want to bore all of you and (2) I know how melodramatic I sound because I know that she NEEDS me to let her figure out how to be without me.  I know I had to walk away, and that would have been the same whether I was dropping her off at daycare or leaving her with her grandparents for a night away.  I promise I know.

But I also know how short this time is.  She's already nearly ten months old, and I know that it'll feel like no time has passed before she is a teenager with hormones and crushes, and I won't even remember what it's like for her to want me to hold her.  

And I also know that many of you moms struggle with the same things every day.  I share a lot of happy, sweet things with you, but there are so many hard moments, too.  And failing to share those moments, as well, feels unfair and reinforces the fallacy that we mothers are not allowed to feel what we feel.  

So whether you're a stay-at-home mom who would trade the whole of your bank account for a solitary moment to relax or you're a working mom who feels like you're failing on all fronts... know that you're doing a fabulous job.  We're all going to have moments of triumph and moments of failure, but the important thing is that we love our babies fiercely in whatever ways we know how.  The rest of it always seems to work itself out.

February 10, 2014...

My darling Grace,

Something in me changed when you were born.

It was if the center of gravity shifted, and my own happiness became inexplicably intertwined with yours.

When you cried, my heart rate increased, and the only thing I could think about was doing whatever it took to make you happy again.  And then you'd smile your happy little smile, and the world would feel right again.  Your Memaw told me this would happen, and, as usual, she was absolutely right.

With each day that passes, I become more and more aware that for the rest of my life, I will be consumed with an overwhelming desire to keep a smile on your pretty face.

I can't promise you that I will be a perfect mommy.  In fact, I can promise you that I won't.  But I did learn a few things from my mommy, your Memaw, and so I will promise you this:

... I will tickle your toes.

... I will kiss your boo-boos.

... I will rock you to sleep until you insist that I stop.

... I will read as many books to you as it takes to give you the gift of a love of reading.

... I will hold your hand when you need me to, but I'll be ready to let go when you're capable of standing on your own.

... I will endeavor to comb out every ponytail until there are no. more. bumps.

... I will do the hard thing if it's what's best for you.

... I will let you pick out your own outfits, even if they include neckties and medieval headdresses.

... I will do everything in my power to make your childhood a magical one.

... I will not bat an eye if you tell your third grade teacher that your dream is to be a romance novelist.

... I will remind you that you are beautiful—on the inside and out.

... I will allow you to fall down because that's how you learn to pick yourself back up.

... I will admit when I'm wrong.

... I will let you make up your own mind.

... I will give you every last bite of my tomato basil soup.

... I will share my bath time with you.

... I will let you do it, even if it takes twice as long.

... I will tell you about Jesus.

... I will encourage you to dream big things.

... I will believe you.

... I will shoot dirty looks at the boy who breaks your heart... even if he happens to be sitting in the next pew over at church.

... I will make sure you never forget that my love for you is unconditional and completely independent of anything you do or say or achieve.

And when it's time for me to let go and to have faith in the girl you will have become, I will stand back and watch you shine.

Love,
Mommy

Grace: nine months

My darling Grace,

Oh, my sweet girl.  You really are the light of our lives.  From your smiley face to your chubby, little toes... we adore every inch of you.  This month has been so much fun because we're really beginning to see bits and pieces of your personality.

And if I thought last year's pictures were challenging...

I hadn't seen anything yet!  Daddy wasn't here to help, so we had a few close calls, but Mommy managed to keep you from falling.  Hallelujah!

Here are your nine-month stats:

Nine Months at a Glance

Weight:  20 pounds, 5.5 ounces (80th percentile) 

Length:  27.75 inches (60th percentile)

Eating:  6-8 ounces four times a day

Sleeping:  11 hours at night, 3-ish naps (anywhere from 30 minutes to 3 hours each time)
Bedtime:  7:00-7:30
Awake: 6:00-6:15 

Diapers:  size 3

Clothes: 6-12 months, 9 months, some 12 months

Things You Love:  clapping, pulling up on everything, your Laugh 'n' Learn puppy, your stuffed Minnie Mouse, Lilly, car keys, puffs, yogurt melts, iPhones, laughing, your cousins, your That's Not My Pony book, your activity table, banging measuring cups together, shredding magazines and trying to put the paper in your mouth, having your hair played with

What You Can Do This Month:  cruise, walk behind your walker, wave bye-bye, sign "more," dance, drink from a sippy cup, eat puffs, say da-da, give kisses

Eating:  You're still eating 6-8 ounces at a time 4 times a day.  Still usually around 6 when you wake up, then 10-ish, 2-ish, and 6-ish.  If you don't eat all of your 6:00 bottle, you finish it just before you go to bed.  You have breakfast at 8, lunch at 11, a snack at 2:00, and dinner either just before your 6:00 bottle or about 30 minutes afterward.

You'll eat anything pureed (we stick to mostly organic), but you're still having trouble gagging on table food.  For now, you'll eat puffs, the cheetos-type baby snacks, yogurt melts, and chicken sometimes.  You LOOOVE to snack on the few things you'll eat, so I have a feeling you're going to love to eat once you figure it out. :)  We're still working on adding other things.  

Sleeping:  You're still a pretty good sleeper.  You go down around 7:30-ish at night and wake up right around 6:00 each morning.

Naps are still pretty inconsistent.  You sometimes nap on the way to school, then you'll sleep anywhere from an hour to two hours at school, and then you almost always nap on the way home, anywhere from an hour to two.  We often have to wake you up at 6:00 to eat.  On the weekends, you usually take two long naps - about two hours each - in the morning and afternoon.

Other Stuff:  You had ANOTHER ear infection, so we got an ENT referral and had tubes put in this month.  The surgery was pretty breezy, but you did cry for about an hour straight afterward.  Apparently you + anesthesia do not mix well.  But since then, you've been ear infection-free!

You also got another tooth this month!  That wasn't fun for mommy and daddy, but now we know why you were so fussy that week!

You're saying some words, like da-da, but we're pretty sure you're not using them specifically yet.  You are getting a little sassier, which has been... interesting. :)  If we take a toy from you or try and change your clothes or keep you from doing pretty much anything you want to do, you get angry.  You also strangely start crying anytime anyone blows their nose.  It's so pitiful, but it's also kind of hilarious.

You are the smiliest little thing I've ever seen.  You love people, and you make friends wherever we go.  Your teachers at school always comment on your fun, sweet, happy personality.  And boy are you getting BUSY!  Now that you're mobile, you're everywhere.  We can hardly keep up with you!  You still let me rock you at night, but I'm wondering how much longer that will last.

We love you more than life, itself, angel girl.  And I am loving watching you grow and become the little girl God intends you to be.

Love,
Mommy