Thursday, September 18, 2014

Why I'm doing it...

Maybe it has never even occurred to you guys to wonder why I suddenly decided to change my life. 
Maybe you're all healthy people who have always eaten well and exercised consistently. And so maybe the fact that this whole journey has been so significant for me is completely baffling to you.

But maybe not.

I've always maintained that my ability to make healthy choices is controlled by a (metaphorical) light switch. When it's flipped on, I've got more self control than I know what to do with. And my willingness to make one good decision motivates me to make another, and another, until it eventually becomes a habit, and the decision isn't even really a decision anymore.

 photo 49912986-E5FD-43D7-B5F4-B1F330CD8FCA.jpgAnd when it's flipped off? Well, I have zero self control or motivation. I eat what I want, when I want. I crave sugary and salty things like it's my job, and I tell myself that it's okay to have them in whatever quantities I desire. Five donuts? Sure! A whole package of Girl Scouts Samoa cookies? Awesome! Exercise isn't even a blip on my radar.

So the question for me—and maybe for you—becomes this: how can I turn the light switch on again? What will motivate me to be better?

I wish I could answer that question for you. I obviously can't. You and you alone know what will compel you to make a real change.

But I can tell you what did it for me. I can tell you what made me put It Starts with Food in my Amazon basket and click "Place Your Order."

I had an unhealthy relationship with food.
Plain and simple. I loved it too much. I still do, to some extent. I don't have that thing that makes me want to put something delicious down because I am feeling satiated. If a little is good, more is even better. I needed to find a way to reset my brain in a healthy way. To help me learn to crave the things that are good for me and to break the ridiculous sugar cycle I was on.

I like a challenge.
I'm not really the kind of girl that is continually pushing myself to be better, though I wish I was. But I do occasionally like to put myself to the test. I wanted to see what I was capable of with respect to my health. Turns out, I'm capable of a lot more than I thought.

I want to live longer.
The way I was eating would have absolutely led to health problems for me down the road. I was already morbidly obese, tired all the time, and ridiculously out of shape. Who knows what might have happened if I had continued on that path.

My husband is really, really, ridiculously good looking.
I don't mean this the way it sounds. Micah has been the most supportive, incredible husband no matter what size I've been. But I have eyes and a mirror. And I have also heard, "Oh my gosh! Your husband is HOT!" more times than I can even count. It's definitely the truth, and I always love hearing it. But what I'd really love is for him to hear, "Oh my gosh! Your wife is HOT!" for once. Not for my sake (although it would be pretty fabulous to hear), but for his.

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I'd like to make it to one dress size and stay there.
It's expensive re-stocking my closet every time I lose/gain weight.

I've got to fit into my wedding dress by next August.

I want to set a good example for my daughter.
This was probably the most motivating thing for me. I want her to see her mom as healthy and strong and active. And I can't manufacture that impression; it has to come from her own observation. So digging in and becoming the real deal was the only real option.

I want to look good naked.
I know you feel me on this one.

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15 comments:

Emily said...

I'm so impressed and inspired by you! Please continue to share. I have the same feelings of not caring about what I eat when my switch is off and my switch has been off for too long. I really relate. Thank you for showing us your journey! Way to go! You look hot already!

Brooke said...

That Gracie girl... she is cute, but her mom... her mom is HOT! :)

Joey said...

I'm so proud of you. SO proud of you! I've always thought you were gorgeous, at ANY size--but YOU have to feel that way too. I went through sort of the same kind of journey with challenging myself. I got so content (to the point of joking about it) with being sedentary, weak, inactive. It was pathetic. I couldn't run to the end of my driveway. I couldn't touch my toes even for a second. I couldn't sit straight up with my legs out in front of me. AND I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY. It's not funny. It's sad. And I was the only person to blame. So I fixed it, like you!

Natalie said...

I love your honesty!

Laura said...

You are amazing Ryan!! These are all great reasons and I have no doubt you will meet your goals. And for the record? Being a kick ass attorney and mom? I'd say you are challenging and pushing yourself all the time. You are capable of a lot!!

The Tale of Three P's said...

Great post! I remind myself all the time that I am creating habits for Annalise.

The Tale of Three P's said...

Great post! I remind myself all the time that I am creating habits for Annalise.

Shannon said...

Seriously, Ryan, it's like you're writing this for me. Except I'm not married and don't have an adorable daughter. But I'm right there with you. And getting back into it all, flipping the switch on, is beyond hard. And I'm trying to do it. I may have to read It Starts With Food and do a Whole 30... Please continue to share your story, struggles and all. It becomes inspiring and Lord knows I could use the motivation!

Kristin said...

I do believe you're one of those people who looks gorgeous and put together no matter your weight. But, if you keep this up, it can only get better, right??

You're doing some amazing and I'm sure your family is so proud :)

And, like you, I make a habit out of "bad things". So I just don't do certain things like chew gum, eat french fries, or drink soda. I can't "stop".

Lauren Thomas said...

I love every bit of this. Love, love, love it. Keep up the good work girl.
I feel like everyone has a struggle area, and mine is definitely food. And the journey to overcome it is definitely difficult, but worth it.

Jessica K said...

I love that you are honest about everything. And you show the hard work, and that it doesn't happen overnight. I also love that you are doing it the right way and not trying to find the one magic pill. You are an inspiration!

Nichole @ casadecrews.com said...

Amen, my friend! Everything you said is me too (minus doing it for your daughter, but I'd like to set those habits before a baby so still on the same wave). That switch? That was the best way to hear someone describe it. Always, always wishing you success! xoxox

Alyson said...

You've looked beautiful, inside and out, in every stage I've seen you in this blog! I'm happy to hear that you're happy and feeling healthy and proud of your decisions. That's so important! And amazing. :)

Mary @ Enjoy The Ride said...

Thanks for inspiring me today ... I'm getting back to work losing the weight this week. I needed to read this.

Tricia Nae said...

You are doing so great, girl!! I am nodding along at all of your "before". I am seriously in the same boat...and I can not seem to get me "do it girl" activated... if that makes sense. I know what to do. I want to do it. I want the outcome. But for whatever reason... I am fighting myself like I'm getting paid to do it! UGH. So frustrating. I am going to pick up that book. I've read a lot about Whole 30, but again... it's like something is wrong with my "follow through". But, I'm just going to keep following motivating people (you!) and pray that one day, something "clicks". You are gorgeous Ryan... And you are rocking this!!!

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