Are you kidding me??!!??

I'm pretty sure Lilly has a secret admirer.

He's a turtle. Named Timmy. Timmy the turtle. Nice, huh?

Let's start from the beginning.

I only have class on Tuesdays and Thursdays this semester, so I'm generally at home on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. It's a pretty sweet schedule, actually. It's a little troubling, though, how little studying and how much internet surfing I do. But that's a story for a different day...

Anyway... so it's Wednesday, and I'm home. About halfway through "The View" (don't judge - there's very little good TV on during the day, and Whoopi is funny) I hear Lilly just barking her little heart out in the backyard. Generally, when she does that I can just yell at her from inside the house and she'll be quiet.

Not today. When she wouldn't shut up after about eight or nine rounds of "LILLY!!! BE QUIET!" I figured it was time for me to go out and investigate.

Apparently we had an intruder in our backyard, and Lilly was making sure I knew it. I look over near the fence, where Lilly is barking and jumping like there's no tomorrow, and I see a big fat turtle. Poor little guy. He was tucked into his shell (clearly trying to escape the wrath of the big, bad chocolate lab), and he wouldn't move until Lilly moved to the other side of the yard. After deciding that he looked like a Timmy, I set him about 10 feet outside our fence, wished him well, and went back inside.

About 30 minutes later, Lilly's making a fuss again, so I go outside and see that Timmy has found his way back inside the fence. I'm kind of pissed at this point, because it means I have to pick up the freaking turtle again, and, quite frankly, it freaks me out. This time I walk five houses down and plop him at the edge of the sidewalk there, figuring I'd be rid of him.

But of course, about an hour later, Lilly starts barking like crazy again, and I go back outside, expecting that turtle, who I'm now convinced is equipped with some sort of GPS device that somehow keeps directing him to my backyard, to be sitting by the fence again. I don't see him, but Lilly's barking at the gate so I open it up to see what might be bothering her.

Big mistake.

One of the neighbor's dogs has gotten out of his fence and found his way to our yard (are we emitting some sort of silent signal beckoning the domestic and wild animals of the neighborhood to come visit us??). Lilly sees the dog and takes off down the street, following him. I try to call her, but she's having none of that, running at full speed in pursuit of the other dog.

So I take off running, too, in my pajamas down the street, screaming after Lilly, hoping she doesn't dive in front of a car, and wishing I had put some shoes on before I went outside. After about a 70-yard dash, I finally catch up to Lilly, call her to me, and she miraculously comes. I grab her by her collar, furious with her, and walk back to the house.

We get back inside the fence, where I accidentally stepped in a big pile of Lilly's poop, and I see the freaking turtle sitting in the middle of the yard. No joke.

And that has been my day so far. I've apparently got a puppy who attracts turtles, and I'm still out of breath from the chase. Maybe it's nap time?