Monday, September 6, 2010

Goodbye, Fluff...

This past week has been crazy, wonderful, terrible, exciting, and awful. I've been in Dallas trying to get things figured out for our move, and it has been nuts. But the move isn't what I want to write about tonight.

Tonight's post is about my precious cat, Fluffers, who I had to say goodbye to on Thursday.

I've had Fluffy since I was five years old. My brother and his friend Brian brought her home one day, and when Brian's parents wouldn't let him keep her, my brother worked his charm on my parents and she was ours.

It's funny because, when I was younger, Fluff didn't even like me. I can't say that I blame her, given the number of times I forced her to wear my doll clothes and put socks on her feet. It wasn't until we moved to Josephine and lived with my grandparents while our house was being built that she started to warm up to me.

And then when my parents divorced, my dad took Shadow, my mom took her cat, Friendly, and Fluffy tagged along with me to live in my apartment at UTD. She terrorized both of my roommates, as well as Rebecca's dog, Toby. But she was the only part of my familiar life that I got to take with me when I left home, and that familiarity kept me grounded during those times that I just wished things would go back to the way they used to be.

She was always a strong, active cat and was, at one time, quite the hunter. When we lived in Wylie, she used to bring all kinds of "trophies" up to our back door, including one bird that wasn't quite dead yet and had one last hurrah flying around our house. I still laugh every time I picture my brother running around in his tighty whities, trying to catch the bird with a pillow case.

And when we lived in Josephine, I can't tell you how many times I woke up in the middle of the night to find her chasing a field mouse in a neverending game of cat and mouse. She always won.

She has remained in incredible health for a cat of her age for all these years. But over the last month or so, her health has been rapidly deteriorating. Her eyesight had been bad for awhile, but she finally went completely blind about a month ago. And she wasn't able groom herself, so her hair was ragged and matted. She was having kidney problems and wasn't eating much. And she finally got to the point that she was basically just sleeping all the time.

I couldn't see my strong, fearless kitty suffer any more, so I asked Micah to take her in for me because I knew I wouldn't be strong enough to do it myself. And I asked him to do it while I would be out of town because I couldn't bear the thought of seeing him leave the house with her in his arms and come home without her. So I said my goodbyes before I left and cried most of the way up to Dallas.

It was hard to let her go, but I just keep telling myself that it was the right thing to do. She lived for twenty years, and it would have been incredibly selfish to want to keep her here while she was in pain.

So this is my final farewell to my little girl. She was an incredible friend and comfort for almost my entire life, and I will miss her more than I can even begin to express.

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