Friday, September 21, 2012

Men are from Mars...

My husband is much less of a question mark to me now than he was when we first started dating.  Back then, he was much more reserved than he was now (those of you who know him in real life are likely wondering how that's even possible, as he's still fairly quiet around most people), and serious conversations with him were liking pulling teeth.  In fact, our song, which we played at our wedding, is Alison Krauss's When You Say Nothing at All.  So, so perfect for us.


But as the years have gone by (how can it have been TEN years already?!), he has become less mysterious and more hilarious to me.  And uncovering all of his quirks and idiosyncrasies along the way has been one of my favorite parts of our relationship.  For example, Micah can't stand it when I squeeze his fingertips.  And he doesn't like it when I tell him no... go figure... :).  But he loves when I snuggle up next to him in church, and he likes to chase me around the house (which I'm actually not crazy about).


One thing that has really helped us figure out how to love one another is learning what our love languages are.  Ree posted briefly about love languages a couple of days ago, and it reminded me what a difference our knowledge of one another's love languages has made in our marriage.  You can learn more about them here, but love languages are essentially the five universal ways that people express and receive love.  They are Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

It probably won't surprise you to know that words of affirmation are one my primary languages (I'm mushy and verbose.  Oops!).  Tied with words of affirmation is quality time, and physical touch comes in a close third.  For Micah, acts of service are the most important, with quality time and physical touch coming in second and third.


So thankfully we're pretty similar, but there's still a bit of a disconnect.  Whereas Micah feels loved when I pay the bills or sit on the line with customer service so that he doesn't have to, I feel loved when he tells me he is proud of me or writes me a sweet note.  Discovering that was HUGE for us because, for the longest time, Micah couldn't understand why I didn't equate love with his sweeping the floor, and I was perplexed that he didn't feel cherished when I showered him with praise and sweet letters.

Now, we both make an effort to express love in ways that the other person will appreciate.  I just ordered Micah his new iPhone without him having to ask so that he wouldn't have to deal with it.  Micah tries to send me sweet texts and emails so that I feel appreciated. 


And it also goes the other direction.  I try to see his acts of service as expressions of love, and he does the same with my words of affirmation.  And we both cherish the time we spend together, as work and long commutes keep us apart more often than we'd like.  That way we're not overlooking the sacrifices and efforts the other is making.

You can figure out what your love languages are by taking an assessment here.  (And, if you're lucky, you can hoodwink your spouse/significant other into taking one, too. :))  Hopefully it will be as eye-opening for you as it was for us.  This marriage thing isn't always a cakewalk, but it is, without a doubt, the most rewarding part of my life.

5 comments:

Annabelle said...

I have never thought of this but it is very true. Thanks for leaving a link! Now, I've got to convince my hubby to take this quiz! haha!

Jessica McCoy said...

I'll be checking out that link! I hadn't thought about this either. :)

Crystal said...

yes! i want to complete the 5 love languages with my husband. I have heard great things about it.

Memoirs of Me & Mine said...

Sounds interesting. Going to check it out now.

http://www.memoirsofmeandmine.com/

The Morrows said...

Reading the Five Love Languages was HUGE for us in our relationship. I am thankful we did it early on (while we were engaged).
Love all the wedding pics.

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