... but I'm writing it anyway. If only so that you guys can direct me to it after I have a child and end up doing all of these things myself.
So because I just can't help myself, let's go ahead and call this post: "I'll probably make a liar of myself, but after I have a baby, you won't catch me..."
... posting pictures of myself nursing on Facebook.
I don't dispute that breastfeeding is a beautiful, natural thing. It is. And I have NO problem seeing someone nursing in public because, heck, if a kid's gotta eat, the kid's gotta eat. Nor do I take any issue with informative breastfeeding blog posts like these, which sometimes contain pictures of cute babies nursing. (In fact, I've loved the girl in the red shoes's breastfeeding diaries series!)
But the nursing selfies I sometimes see on Facebook just bother me because I feel like they're completely gratuitous. If the world absolutely must know that you're breastfeeding at that precise moment in time, I suppose you can post a status about it (although I'll probably put you in the same category of people that use Facebook as a minute-by-minute update of their lives. ["Just ate dinner, and now I'll do some laundry. Think I'll grab some ice cream in a bit. Laterzzz!"])
... sharing pictures of Grace with food all over her face.
This one's all me, y'all. I swear I'm not judging you when you post pictures of your kid with sweet potatoes all over them. Most people probably think it's really adorable. I just get weirded out by those kinds of pictures (particularly those involving savory foods), and I'm not sure why.
... sharing pictures of Grace's (or my) boo-boos.
Again, this is probably just me, but I can't stand it when I'm scrolling through my facebook or Instagram feed and I stumble upon a picture of a gruesome cut (or any other sort of bloody malady). I'm squeamish, and so it's incredibly unsettling to have someone's injury visibly forced upon me like that. So rest assured that if Grace or I slice something open, I won't be showing you pictures of it. This one I can promise to abide by. :)
... talking in detail about Grace's bowel movements (or, heaven forbid, showing you pictures of them).
There's a fine line, here. I'll probably, at some point, lament the fact that she isn't yet potty trained. And I'm sure I'll be quick to celebrate her potty achievements here on a very generic level.
There are some things that our children won't appreciate us having blasted to the world when they're all grown up. Their poop is probably one of those things. (And you can probably be sure that no one is as interested in your child's poop as you are. Take that for whatever it's worth.)
So there you have it.
My judgy-judgerson post that probably made some of you angry. If it did, take heart because I'll probably be judging myself before too long. :)