God's been laying some things on my heart lately. And it really culminated this week at church.
We go to an amazing church in a suburb near our home. The pastor is really great, and the music is phenomenal. We enjoy Sundays so much because of worship service.
This week was a youth-led service. The youth pastor gave the message, the music was led by youth group members, and there were several teens who gave testimony.
God really used one of the teen speakers to speak to my heart. This adorable girl walks up to the podium, completely confident in speaking to hundreds of people. And she proceeds to tell the whole church about her journey in finding the Lord and how He has worked in her life and called her to missions. She was SO sure and joyful. And she was a junior in high school!!
The minute she opened her mouth I saw myself. I saw the me that God used to use when I was a junior in high school. I saw the leader that I used to be. The person that other classmates used to look to for biblical guidance and advice. The girl who was sure of her faith and what God was calling her to do. The one that was concerned about her witness and leading others to the Lord.
And then I saw myself now. I'm a far cry from the girl that I used to be. And I just started to wonder how I became this person. I still love the Lord with all of my heart, but I don't feel like my life is inspired the way it used to be. I used to be so sure that I was following God's path for my life. I was sensitive to His voice, and I was very aware when my heart was being convicted of something.
Now I have a hard time hearing God's voice. I am unsure if I'm pursuing the career path he has called me to. I'm going into an area of the law that is lucrative and interesting, but is that where I need to be? Am I even supposed to be a lawyer to begin with?? All the doors just opened, and keep opening, for me, and so I assumed God was leading me. But I'm not so sure anymore.
I'm committed to renewing my passion for the Lord. I refuse to fade away and ignore what Jesus did for me on that cross two thousand years ago. And I realize that my life, and every single blessing in it, are gifts from the Lord. And the pursuit of my ambitious goals are nothing if God's missing in my life. If you think about it, keep me in your prayers. I know God's working on me and speaking to me. It's just hard to hear sometimes. :)