Wednesday, July 24, 2013

My story...

I wrote this last year but wanted to share it again.  

This is the story of my Christ's redeeming love.

I am nine years old. 

I spend some time with my grandmother, and she tells me about the cross and about a love big enough to redeem even the worst of sinners. During the car ride home, I rest my head against the back of the driver's seat of my mom's car, eyes closed, and invite Him in. And because I'm not sure if once is enough, I pray three more times when I get home. I am baptized and receive a book about what it means to be a Christian. And then I go on about my life, just as before. Business as usual. I am good and sweet-natured, but then I always have been. I do what I am told (with occasional sass and a flair for the dramatic), but I remain the same girl I had been since the day I was born.

 photo Ryan1.jpg

I am in seventh grade, and my parents flip my world upside down.

They tell me that we're leaving the town I have always known. My friends, my school, everything I had come to love. In an effort to ease the transition, they start driving me to church in my new town that year, even before we move, so I can get to know everyone there. Eventually, I meet Micah and rekindle a semi-friendship with Lauren, who would come to be my very best friend.

And, for the first time, I really meet Jesus.

At a youth conference I walk with Him on His journey to the cross, and the enormity of His love and sacrifice wash over me. I am a broken mess because I wonder if I have ever really accepted Him as the Lord of my life. I feel confident in the Savior part -- accepting grace, redeeming love and all that -- but when I look back I just can't be sure that I have given Him my heart in return. So once again, I invite Him in.

 photo Ryan2.jpg

Except this time, I give Him all of me.

After that I am sold out for Him.

Throughout middle school and high school, and even college, I am bold in my faith. I never touch cigarettes or drugs or alcohol. I lead my school's FCA group and speak often at youth group and Disciple Now, and I lead bible study on multiple mission trips. I fall madly in love with Micah, and we vow to wait. I stay plugged into the Word and have an active prayer life.

 photo Ryan3.jpg

At some point, the fire and spark fade. My parents divorce. I move to Houston for law school. I get wrapped up in how hard it all is. I lose sight of where He's leading me and start walking alone. But He still speaks. Forgives. Loves.

 photo Ryan4.jpg

I am a third-year law student, and I have no job.

I am broken, defeated, humiliated. I miss home. He wraps his arms around me and reminds me that He has a plan. So I start walking again, but this time I'm following Him. I accept that He may not bring us home quite yet. But then He does, despite all of my clumsy attempts to do it myself.

Today, I am His.

I still fall short every single day, but His grace is sufficient. He is molding me into something better.

 photo DSC_0710-1.jpg

I will inevitably lose my way again. But the best part is that He never will.

7 comments:

Established: 2008 said...

Great post. These stories are so good to share! Also, that last picture is beautiful! I need a photographer friend!

Annabelle said...

This really touched my heart. You inspire me all the time! (whether you think so or not) Your faith is undeniable, and it's beautiful how it flows from you!

Lauren Thomas said...

Pure greatness here. And that's what I love about our Savior so very much...he continues to pick us up and carry us along every time we fall.

Lauren said...

Such a beautiful story for such a beautiful wife, women, mother, & friend! I love you and look up to you more than you know.

Kaitlyn (Keeping up with Kaitlyn) said...

beautiful post!

Toyia Colquett said...

awesome post

Jennjilla said...

I really needed to read this again. My relationship with Him has ebbed and flowed through the years much like yours has, but it's such a beautiful constant that is always there. Thanks for sharing (again)!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...