Wednesday, November 5, 2014

100 pounds later...

When you begin any sort of journey -- your education, planning for a significant occasion, a quest for better health or weight loss -- you peer through the tunnel and look for the light at the end. You imagine the way you'll feel when you finally arrive at your final destination, and that feeling compels you to continue on in the direction you are traveling because you know that the hard work will be worth it in the end.

As I was standing on the stage to be hooded at my law school graduation, I felt the light all around me. And I felt the very same way as Micah and I climbed into his truck and headed to our hotel the night we got married.

While I certainly cannot say that I've arrived at my final destination with respect to this particular journey, I did catch a glimpse of the light last week when I stepped on the scale and saw this.

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I can't remember seeing a sub-200 number on the scale since my wedding day in 2008. And so, for a really long time, I've wondered what it would be like to be "below the big chunk," as my sweet friend likes to say. (If you've ever stood on a mechanical scale at the doctor's office while they nudge the big weight over to 150 and then try and adjust the small weight, and you have to tell them, "no, just go ahead and move the big chunk over to 200," you totally feel me.)

Standing on the scale and seeing these numbers flashing at me, I felt bathed in light, and it was a beautiful thing.

This number probably still seems ridiculously high to most of you, and I will certainly agree that I've still got a long way to go. My body mass index is still way too high, and I would love to be in jeans several sizes smaller than those that are currently hanging in my closet. So it's fairly mortifying to post this number here for the entire internet to see.

But the fact that I weigh less than 200 hundred pounds today is really significant because 18 months ago, I weighed 300 pounds exactly.

300 pounds, friends.

Yes, I was pregnant. And yes, it was totally worth it. And yes, I loved myself even then.

But I can't begin to describe to you the shame I felt when I stepped onto the scale at the hospital as I checked in to deliver Grace and watched the nurse slide that big weight all the way over to 300. In that moment, I recognized how out of control things had gotten, and I promised myself that I would figure out to get myself back on track.
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And so I did.

Today, I'm making myself vulnerable to you all because I remember how desperately I clung to hope when I was struggling to figure out how to make a change. I made myself read the stories of those who had traveled this path successfully, even when I didn't want to, because it was irrefutable evidence that I was capable of doing the same.

And so are you.

Whatever journey you're on, know this. There IS light at the end of the tunnel. Heck, there's light in the middle of the tunnel. Just set your feet on the path and take that first step. You'll be surrounded in light in no time.

15 comments:

Joey said...

First of all, I am so proud of you and inspired by you. Second of all, the last paragraph in this post actually made me break down in ugly tears. I can't exactly explain WHAT I'm in the middle of right now, but I feel like I am surrounded by darkness without a light in sight. And while I know it's always temporary, the darkness, sometimes it's nice to see someone bathed in light to remind yourself that someday you will be too. Love you so much friend, and I'm so so glad you've made this commitment to yourself. Not only do you LOOK amazing, I'm sure you FEEL amazing.

Annabelle said...

Way to go Ryan! You look fabulous as ever! Too bad we can't be neighbors or even live in the same state! You are such and inspiration! Keep up the great work! Micah and Grace are lucky to have you!

Illegally Blonde said...

So proud and inspired by you.

Lauren Thomas said...

LOVE this! And I totally 100% understand all of it. Also, you should know that you are such an inspiration to many I'm sure, but especially to me! So please, keep sharing - it really does push us to keep moving forward too!

The Tale of Three P's said...

An inspirational post! You rock! Congrats again.

Emily said...

Ryan, you are such an inspiration. I haven't been brave enough to put my numbers out there on my blog yet because my husbands family reads and they are all very health and weight conscious. I feel like I get fat-shamed by them sometimes...but I am right there with you. I was 260 the day I delivered Lilly and 262 the day I delivered Liam. Those numbers are hard to swallow. 199 is amazing and my initial goal as well...to be under 200!!!!! And like you, that hasn't happened since my wedding either. Through my journey I am trying to focus on making healthy decisions, and reminding myself that I am more than a number!!! We all are! :) Thanks again for sharing, you are incredible and you look amazing! Also, thanks again for all your cool outgrown clothes. Hopefully I will be selling them again soon!

Paige @ An Uncomplicated Life Blog said...

You look FANTASTIC! How you have so many roles in life and are able to lose all that weight is inspirational.

Emily said...

Yay! Getting under 200 is the BEST feeling!!! I hope to get back there too after this baby is delivered next month. Again, you're my inspiration! Thank you so much for sharing and showing us it is possible. I'm on day 29 of the Whole30 and am so excited I did it! (Thanks to reading about it on your blog!) You are so beautiful!

Kimberley said...

Wow what a great story! WTG and thank you for putting yourself out there to inspire others!

Ashley @ Second Chances said...

Wow--that is awesome. I am on a journey to lose a mere 50 pounds which probably doesn't seem like much to some, but that light seems so dim to me as I want to eat everything in sight and have almost done so today--today isn't a good eating day for me. I want EVERYTHING. Thank you for being so transparent and inspiring your readers. Thank you!!

Cotter Crunch said...

amazing fried! way to go! you look and sound so happy and healthy. inside and out

Lisa Channell said...

I've never commented before, but I feel compelled to today. You always look incredible, but I can FEEL that you feel different "bathed in light." I love this description. Thank you for sharing with us!

Amanda Elizabeth - Meet @ the Barre said...

Coming over from Joey's home today. Girl that quote was something that I really needed to read at that exact moment! Putting it out there is scary but the support you get by doing it....well help continue to drive you towards your goal!

Kathryn said...

Girl, you are awesome and look awesome too! Thank you for putting yourself out there and sharing.

Toyia Colquett said...

WAY TO GO!!! This is amazing and what a story and inspiration you are to so many. You look absolutely beautiful!

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