Friday, October 25, 2013

Resuming the journey...

If you've been hanging around here for awhile, you know that I began a weight loss journey in September of 2011.  I worked really, really hard for about six months and lost over 50 pounds.

I went from this girl...

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To this girl...

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In addition to joining Slim4Life and drastically adjusting my eating habits, I also started running a few months after I decided to lose weight.  I ran my first 5K in April 2012.

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Somewhere around May or June, though, I had started slacking off.  My head just wasn't in it anymore, and anyone who has struggled with their weight knows what that means.

So a few of the pounds crept back.

And then I got pregnant.  And I decided, pretty much as soon as I saw the word "pregnant" on that stick, that I had free rein to eat whatever the heck I wanted.

So I did.  I enjoyed all the cheese tator tots and vanilla milkshakes I could get my hands on (although I promise that I really did try and squeeze in some vitamins and minerals for our sweet girl).  And I gained weight.  Like, a lot of weight.  On the day I delivered Grace, I was 75 pounds heavier than I was the day I got pregnant.  (We're not even going to talk about it...)  And while some of the weight just dropped off after she was born, I stopped losing pretty quickly because I never really wanted to make the effort to get the rest of it gone.

My M.O. is to oscillate between two extremes.  Clearly, I can turn it on and get down to business when I hit my breaking point.  But then I can just completely shut it off and eat like it's my job.  I have a hard time finding that happy place in the middle where I exercise reason and make smart choices most of the time while also enjoying my favorite foods every once in awhile.  For the longest time, it has been all or nothing.

About two weeks ago, I was about eight pounds heavier than I was when I decided to lose weight the first time, and I just couldn't handle the thought of being stuck in this place for the rest of my life.

Let me be really, really clear.  I've never struggled with self-hate, and even at my heaviest, I was happy and proud of who I am.  But I am not proud of this burden that my weight has become.  I know that it's simply not what God intends for this body that He has given me, and I hate the idea of being so completely unhealthy.

So I decided to make a change.  For good.

And guess where this girl was last Monday evening?  

I was back on the scale at Slim4Life, ready to start over.

My head is finally in the right place again, and I'm down about 8 pounds.  (The first few days are basically a cleanse, and they really jump start the process.)

This isn't for Micah, and it isn't for Grace.  (Although they are definitely great motivation!)  It isn't for my family or my friends or society, in general.

It's for me.

It will be a long process.  I know that.  And I know I'm going to stumble.  But I also know that I'm capable of accomplishing this thing that seems nearly impossible right now. Because I survived a degree in biochemistry.  And law school.  And the bar exam.  And childbirth.

Surely I can handle this? 

15 comments:

Laurie @ The Rookie Wife said...

I know you don't wanna hear this, but I honestly do think you are beautiful either way! I'm super jealous you can run. I can't and wish I could. I'm sorry, I shouldn't say I can't. I should say I haven't tried..and when it gets hard for me I just give up. I really need to stop that. As for the whole weight thing, I haven't weighed myself since I left the hospital. I'm okay with where I am weight wise, but I really need to tone up and I'm not sure where to start and how to do it. :(

Emily said...

I've been reading your blog daily for a long time and I was just thinking the other day that I wish you would talk more about your weight loss journey because that's how I first found your blog. I was searching the internet for weight loss success stories and found you! I have the all or nothing problem too about my weight. I'm happy to see you're motivated again. I need to get my eating/exercising under control again also. Thank you for sharing your story!

Jessie said...

You can do it, girl! You are beautiful no matter what, but being fit makes a huge difference in energy levels and just mentally too. I'm rooting for ya. My hubby and I just recommitted to staying in shape and eating better too. So you're not alone!

Ryan said...
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Kate said...

I think it's great that you're making the commitment to be healthy--because it is a commitment! I know how hard it can be once you're in the routine of not really taking care of yourself, but I know I really need to start working out again because I feel so much better when I'm in shape (not when I'm "thin" or whatever, but when I feel healthy and when I can walk up all the stairs in my house without feeling like I need to take a nap immediately).

Kathryn said...

You can do it! You have the right attitude and all your blogging friends are cheering you on! I lost a lot of weight in 2011, but gained some back trying to get pregnant. Now I'm 3 mo and almost at my highest weight. I feel like I will be in your same spot after I have the baby.

Amber in South Carolina said...

You can definitely do it! Part of what I always tell myself is I want to be healthy not a certain size (I mean I DO want to be a certain size ;)) and that helps a lot. Feeling better is a great motivator!!

Laura said...


This is so awesome! As somebody said above you really are gorgeous but I understand this is as much about how you feel as how you look. You can absolutely do this!!!

Established: 2008 said...

You got this! Good luck!

Laura said...

Ooh! I also wanted to share one little tip for maintenance. I know that some fitness people will tell you only to weigh yourself weekly, and this may be a good idea when you are losing weight, but I weigh myself EVERY SINGLE DAY. Even and especially on the days when I really don't want to. Then when I've been really bad over a weekend and gained a few pounds I can easily turn it around with a day or two of good eating. I know a couple of other people who do this and it seriously works so well!!

Kaitlyn (Keeping up with Kaitlyn) said...

First off, Love the new design! Secondly, I am so with you on all of this. I'm in desperate need to lose weight but I lack SERIOUS motivation! I give up wayyyyy to easily on myself and I just need to figure out how to push past that. Good luck on your journey and hopefully I can make the right choices to get healthier, myself :)

Nichole said...

Ugh, you KNOW I am right there with you. We can DO IT, though

Annabelle said...

I'm like you, I happy no matter what weight I am. It's that extra 'baggage' that's just aggravating! I've not worked out in a year and have gained the weight I had lost the year before. I try to find motivation, but my laziness takes over. It's battle everyday for me. Best of luck! I know you and I both can do it!

Emily said...

I have to agree with almost all the other girls who commented on this post. You are beautiful no matter what!!!! Thanks for being so open and posting about this. I am right there with you, only I am doing weigh watchers. It's a long and sometimes hard road, but I know it's worth it in the end. We can do it and encourage each other along the way girl! Lilly and Grace are GREAT motivators. I want to set a healthy example for L!!!

Colleen said...

I have to echo what the other girls have said you are gorgeous no matter what!! I wish you luck with the new routine : )

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