The start of a new journey...

As a blogger, there is definitely a part of me that would like to share only the best parts of who I am and what my life is like. It'd be easy to paint a lovely picture of a girl who always has it all together -- the job, the marriage, the house, the dog. And, if I'm being honest, there have been times when I've held back the unflattering tidbits that aren't as fun to share.

But I'm keeping it real here, y'all. And that means also sharing the parts of me that aren't so lovely.

Starting from shortly after my high school graduation, I began gradually gaining weight. A lot of weight. I feel certain that it stemmed from my going from two-to-three hour workouts every day in athletics to absolutely no physical activity (I HATE running!), in combination with my love for all things yummy and scrumptious. (I mean, hello!)

(Junior Prom)

I yo-yo'd a bit throughout college and at one point lost 30-ish pounds on Weight Watchers.

(post-Weight Watchers)

Then I started law school, which required hours and hours of studying/reading each day and, in my mind, left zero time to worry about healthy eating or working out. (The post-law school Ryan looks back and laughs at law school Ryan's perception of "busy.") So I gained it all back. But then I got engaged and started slimming down for the wedding and eventually got to a size that I felt pretty comfortable with. (See where I'm going here?)

Of course, after the wedding, I was just SICK of thinking about what I ate. I wanted to cook and bake and enjoy food without worrying about the calories. So when the clothes started getting tight, I just ignored it and bought new ones.

And for almost three years, that's where I've been. I've been gaining and gaining and gaining and have honestly been pretty unconcerned about it. It didn't help that (1) my mom raised me to be a confident, self-assured person, so that when I look in the mirror, I see a fabulous, beautiful person no matter what size I am and (2) my husband is perfect and hasn't really batted an eye. It probably doesn't make any sense, but it's almost like I was in a daze for the past few years.

(last Christmas)

But apparently I've finally woken up.

It took a loving, concerned call from my brother (triggered by a casual comment I made while talking to my sister-in-law), which made me wonder how I'd gotten here and where I'd end up if I didn't do something about it. And for some reason, my brain finally just clicked into place. This isn't something that will go away on its own. I can't just cover my eyes with my hands and pretend it's not there. Yes, I still love myself and am so proud of who I am, and my self-worth will never be wrapped up in what I look like. But I also don't want to wake up in a year and be so big that I can't fit into a go-kart (my sweet Aunt Brig will get that reference) or live the kind of life that I want to live. I'd rather not get winded walking up a flight of stairs, and it would definitely be nice to shop in the "normal" sizes again.

So I started a diet. I've been doing Slim4Life for two and a half weeks (and I'll definitely do a whole post on the pros and cons of the program soon), and I've lost 12.2 pounds already! It's definitely not fun, and I haven't been totally perfect (I may or may not have had a piece of the most delectable cake ever at Kristen's wedding), but I'm committed, and I'm starting to change the way I think about food. I'm drinking 80 ounces of water a day. I've cut out all sugar (except fruit), caffeine (except an occasional glass of tea), most carbs, and, hardest of all, almost all cheese.

I obviously won't eat this way forever and will eventually add in moderate amounts of my favorite things when I finish losing the weight, but I can definitely say that I'll be making a lot of changes that are permanent. And it's getting easier every day to make smart choices. Eventually I'll add in an exercise routine, but for now I feel like I should focus on the eating right part, which I know is most of the problem. I'm trusing in the Lord to help me stick it out and relying on His strength when mine fails.

So I hope y'all don't mind if I occasionally post a healthy recipe or two and update you with how it's going from time to time. I'll try not to bore you with too much detail, but I'll be happy to answer any questions you might have (even though I'm obviously NOT an expert), via email - even if you've been a silent blog-stalker (as I often am) and I don't know you in real life. Just shoot me an email at ryanahargrave (at) gmail (dot) com.  I'm hoping that maybe there are others who might be ready to take this journey, too.  And, hey - misery loves company, right? :)

I stupidly forgot to take a good "before" picture, but hopefully I'll have a killer "after" picture in a few months. :)

What I'm Loving Wednesday...

Well, this week has been surprisingly okay! I'm busy but not overwhelmingly so. So I thought I'd celebrate by linking up to What I'm Loving Wednesday and sharing some of the things I'm loving this week!

I'm loving Shoedazzle.

I'm sure you guys have heard of it, but just in case... it's essentially a "shoe of the month" kind of site, where you sign up (for free), tell them what kind of shoes you like, and they build you a "showroom" every month with a few shoes to choose from (plus you can shop from the featured shoes for that month or even your facebook friends' showrooms). You can either buy a pair or opt out by "skipping" the month. (Warning - if you forget to opt out, I think they charge your card. I just set up a recurring Outlook reminder to help me remember.) The BEST part is that EVERYTHING on the website is $39! I got these shoes in the mail yesterday, and they are SUPER cute (and relatively comfortable!).

(I got them in taupe instead of the leopard.)

I'm loving Urban Decay's 24/7 Glide-On Eye Pencil (in Bourbon, to be exact). Stays on well, and great colors to choose from.

I'm loving the RAIN! My fellow Texans know how much we have needed it!

I'm loving that the Rangers are kicking butt and taking names in the playoffs! We lost last night, but I've got faith that we'll pull through and head to the World Series.

I'm loving this little cutie. I may or may not have bought him a little Cowboys outfit last night. (If you're reading, Diana, you can just pretend to be surprised the next time we see y'all. :))

I'm loving some recent Pinterest finds.

(Love me some Harry Potter pins.)

(Cake Batter Bars.  Amen.)

(The Help.  You must read/watch it.)

(Great eyebrow tutorial.)

(from here)

(they lyrics to your wedding song - learn how to make it here)

And, as always, I'm loving Micah Lee.

Have a great Wednesday, y'all!



I'm not dead...

When the blogs that I read go radio silent for more than a few days, I kind of start to panic that something horrible happened to the blogger.  It's irrational, I know.  Particularly given that I'm prone to disappear from blog-land when things get super busy.  But I'm a weirdy like that, and I'm just keeping it real here.  So for any other weirdies out there, I promise I'm not dead.  Just busy.  And weird.  Moving on.

So last week was, as noted above, very busy.  I've got a HUGE thing at work due next Monday, and it's consuming my life right now.  Plus, since Micah was gone last week, I tried to take the opportunity to work even later than usual so I'd have some time to spend with him during the weekend when he was home. 

So, in a nutshell, last week was completely non-eventful and you probably stopped reading two paragraphs ago, but I really hope you didn't because you'll have misssed the one significant piece of information this post was meant to convey.  Which is that one of my very best friends got MARRIED this weekend!!!

That's right, boys (do any boys even read my blog???) - this gorgeous gal is off the market.

(Sorry... I had to use a picture from my wedding because I haven't uploaded the pictures from this weekend yet.)

I could go on and on about how much I love this girl.  (And I did here.)  We've been through thick and thin together, and she is one of the sweetest, funniest, cleverest (real word?), BESTEST (definitely not a real word) girls that I know.  The wedding was BEAUTIFUL and absolutely worth the drive down.  It was wonderful to see Kristen tie the knot and also to see some of my besties from law school.  I promise that I'll share pictures soon.  (My personal PC is a little under the weather, so it may be a few days.)

We got back into town yesterday afternoon, whereupon I took a delicious two-hour nap.  Yesterday evening, Micah and I had a wonderful dinner with my mom and Steve and watched the new Dexter episode.  And because this post isn't quite all-over-the-place enough yet, I'll leave you with two last things.

1)  Here's how I know it's fall in Texas.

It's Honeycrisp apple time, y'all!

2) Today only on potterybarn.com, you can get free shipping on any order (excluding furniture) when you use the promo code "freeship"!!!  I'm definitely putting in an order for a few online-only things, myself. :) 

Things I discovered this weekend...

1. Apparently I'm allergic to latex. When I went back to the dermatologist to have my stitches removed, the nurse asked me why I had put a latex bandaid on over them given that I'm "clearly" allergic to latex. Huh? Apparently that's why my skin has been so red. Who knew? (P.S. The biopsy was clear. Yay!)

2. I'm obsessed with OPI's Time-Less is More.

(via The Polish Addict)

3. You can have 4-5 deluxe makeup/skincare/fragrance/haircare samples delivered to your door for $10/month when you sign up for Birchbox. I'll be getting my first box next month, and I promise to let you know whether I think it's worth it. I have a feeling that I will, though, mostly because I LOVE samples and the idea of trying new things without having to buy a full-sized product.

4. Little Lucy finished her last round of chemo this weekend! I've been following her mom Kate's blog for awhile now, and I've been aching for this sweet family. I'm praying fervently that this will be the end of Lucy's fight with cancer and that she can get back to make believe and baby dolls and barbies. GO LUCY GO!

5. I must purchase some Mary Janes. I first fell in love with this classic style while watching the Sex and the City episode where Carrie gets to raid the Vogue closet and finds the Manolo black patent leather mary janes.

 (via Nieman Marcus)

I know, right? To die for.

And I've seen them EVERYWHERE lately.  I can't find any plain black patent leather ones that I like nearly that much, but I am kind of crazy about these from Nine West.

Simple, yet striking. Micah's out of town again this week, so maybe he won't notice if I stash a pair or two in my closet before he gets back. :)

Oh happy day...

Today has been a fun day.  Mostly because I haven't seen my husband in a week (he was out of town for work), and it was nice just to get to be with him.  But also because Micah and I spent a good chunk of the day looking at pretty things at all the fun stores off Knox in Dallas. 

Of course we took a stroll through Pottery Barn while we were there, and we came home with this random assortment:

(Minus the wooden spoons - we already had those.)

We're starting to transition all the stainless steel/black accessories we have in the kitchen to cream/white to go with all the white that's in there, so I snagged the cutlery holder.  I'll be ordering these to go with it fairly soon: 

And the three oil-rubbed bronze lanterns were on sale for ~$20 apiece - I couldn't pass those up, even though I'm not entirely sure where they're going yet.  The sponges are for the master bath (which I PROMISE, I'll debut relatively soon.  It's almost ready!)

And I saw this beauty in person:

It's even prettier in real life.  But it's also kind of enormous.  We might have to play around with our furniture a bit to get it to fit, but I'm absolutely in love with it, so I'm determined to find a way to make it work. 

Last, but not least, we also got the media stand all set up:

(Sorry - Blogger won't rotate the picture for some reason.)



I'm so in love with the way it looks in here.  The style/color goes so well, and it's definitely functional.  But I'm starting to feel like that Friends episode where Rachel secretly buys a bunch of new Pottery Barn furniture for hers and Phoebe's apartment.  It's starting to look like the PB catalog up in here, y'all! :)