Good grief...

All in all, I've led a wonderfully happy life. I had a great childhood, wonderful parents, an older brother who only occasionally tortured me (I kid... well, kind of), met the man of my dreams at a very young age, surrounded myself with incredibly loyal friends, and have only occasionally lost people who were close to me.

And when loved ones do go on to be with the Lord, I tend to grieve in waves. Sometimes the waves are small. Manageable. But sometimes they're big enough to knock me down and flip me around under the water.

I wrote a tiny bit about my "honorary" mom here, and my birthday last Sunday marked three years since she has been gone. I don't think there has been a single day that I haven't thought of her in some way, but some days it just really hits me. Last Sunday, it was remembering the words I spoke at her funeral that brought tears to my eyes - remembering feeling like nothing I could say could even begin to capture what a wonderful person she was.

And Micah's sweet grandmother passed away a few months ago. Yesterday was her birthday, and tonight while I was sitting in the bathtub, I just started crying for no reason. I just missed hearing her sweet voice.

But then I thought about it. I really thought about how grief works. Because as I was crying tonight my mind ran through all the good memories I have of Granmargie. I remembered all the stories she told, her selfless service as a missionary in Mexico, and the love she had for her family.

And the same thing happened last Sunday. When I thought of Danna, I thought of her infectious laugh and her strength, and it made me happy to think of what a gift it was to know her while she was here.

So maybe grief isn't some horrible burden to be carried with bitterness. Maybe it's just God's way of allowing us to remember the things we love most about those that we miss. Maybe it's a gift to be treasured so that we don't forget who they were. It's bittersweet, but maybe grief is good after all.

In my shower...

It appears as though I have a bit of a problem.  Apparently I've taken consumerism to a whole other level, and my shower is taking the heat for it.  

I didn't really realize how bad it had gotten until I bought some new shampoo and conditioner from Victoria's Secret the other day and couldn't find anywhere to put them.  I actually had to throw away two quarter-full bottles of body wash to make room for them.  

And maybe that's part of the problem.  I think I get separation anxiety when it comes time to use the last of whatever's in the bottle, and I just can't go through with it.  As a result, I end up with 2,354,998 almost-empty bottles in my shower.  The other contributing factor is the fact that I get most of this stuff for free or almost-free at CVS and Walgreens or from my step-mom who always hooks me up with the best products.

So this is me, admitting my problem and attempting to deal with it.  But first I have to show you the evidence.

This is basket number one, containing three bottles of shampoo and four bottles of conditioner (the tiniest of which comes in my hair dye package, and I swear to goodness that if L'Oreal would just sell it individually they would make a killing.)  Plus there's a razor mounted to the wall next to it.

Basket number two adds one more bottle of conditioner (it's the mousse-looking bottle, and it has literally been in that same spot for two years), one bottle of body wash, two bottles of face wash, and my very favorite Kiehl's shaving cream in the back.  Plus three more razors.

These three are balancing precariously on the edge of the tub - one shampoo, one conditioner, and one clever marketing scheme in which Skintimate had me at "flirty mango."  I didn't even need shaving cream.

Two more (huge!) bottles of body wash plus another shampoo.  I can kind of justify this shampoo by saying that I only use it once a week to remove the residue from all the other shampoo that I use.  If that even makes sense.

These guys are on that bar at the top of the shower that no one uses because everything falls through.  I use it because I have to.  Count 'em up:  four bottles of conditioner and two bottles of shampoo.  And some unsolicited advice - don't buy Glisten products by Mop.  They're organic and all that jazz, but the conditioner's only really good for shaving my legs, and at $30 a pop, I'm pretty sure I can find cheaper shaving cream.

We're almost done, I promise.

Corner number three boasts one almost-empty bottle of bubble bath, one bottle of bath oil (shout out to Jaby's Bath Products!), and a to-die-for bottle of SkinCeuticals Micro Polish.  Marry me.

And last, but not least, we have the three bottles that made this mind-numbingly boring post possible - Victoria's Secret So Sexy Color Shampoo and Conditioner and Nourish Deep Conditioner.

For those of you keeping track, that's a grand total of eight bottles of shampoo, twelve bottles of conditioner, three bottles of body wash (plus the soap I didn't include a picture of), two containers of shaving cream, four razors, two bottles of face wash, one bottle of bubble bath, one bottle of bath oil, and one bottle of micropolish.  

And what makes this all even more ridiculous is that I have a linen closet full to the brim of more of this stuff... just waiting for me to find the courage to throw some of these almost-empty bottles away and add more to my overcrowded tub.  Apparently, the moral of the story is that I need a bigger bathtub. :)

The light...

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Never have I believed this promise more than I do today. Because today I got a fantastic job offer in Dallas, and Micah and I can finally move home! It's with a wonderful litigation boutique firm, and I'll be doing patent litigation work with a great group of people.

I just keep marveling at the Lord's goodness. At His wisdom. At His master planning.

Back in October I wrote this. I felt rejected and scared, but the Lord promised me that, even though I couldn't see it yet, He was leading me through the darkness to the light, and I just did my best to trust Him, though I certainly failed at that more times than I care to admit.

And it's funny because I was worried about the fellowship with the US Attorney's Office and the timing with that if I got this job offer. And then it randomly fell through.

And a clerkship opportunity with a judge in Houston opened up last week, but I just kept dragging my feet in applying, even though I couldn't articulate why. And every time I tried to open the application online, my computer froze. (How's that for divine intervention? :)) I finally decided to go ahead and apply, found a different version of the application, and I actually had the packet all ready to go. I was literally about to head out the door to mail it when I got the call from the firm this morning.

Apparently, God's plans are always bigger and better than mine. :)

So thank you all for your prayers and kind words. You'll probably never know how much they lifted me up.

Cutesy, girly stuff...

My step-dad picked up this magnet for me for a birthday present, and I loved it. I just thought it was (1) clever and (2) so me. So I googled like a champ and found the designer's website and so many other cute things here.

I love things like this, and I'm fighting the urge to order every variety of sticky notes they sell!

Happy birthday to me!

So I turned 25 years old today. It seems so surreal, and I keep wondering when I went from being an awkward, precocious ten year-old girl to a 25 year-old adult with a law degree. It almost feels like time travel or something.

And when I woke up this morning my nerdy science brain thought about the fact that twenty five years is a quarter of a century. That's half of half of a century. And, technically, you can round up at a half, so I might as well be fifty. And, well, fifty... that's half of 100. And if we round that one up, I'm at 100 and can practically feel my hair turning gray.

But, if I'm being honest, there's a part of me that can't wait to be old. I know it's strange, but I just have these visions of me and Micah, sitting on a wraparound porch in matching rocking chairs, watching the sunset together and holding hands.

But enough with the old folk talk. :)

We did keep it pretty low-key around here today, but the day was still fairly eventful. Here are a few of the highlights.

1. My handsome husband got up early to make me breakfast and blow up balloons. As I walked into the dining room and saw the kitchen table, I almost fell over laughing.

Apparently Micah just grabbed the first package of pink balloons he could find and didn't bother reading the words printed on them. But as my friend pointed out, he wasn't totally off base, as we were celebrating the day I was born, and I am a girl... :)


2. After church, I turn on my phone and see a voicemail from my brother.

"I can't believe you haven't called to wish me a happy half-birthday yet," he says. (We were born exactly 2 1/2 years apart.) Isn't he so charming? :)

3. When we get home from church, we whipped up a quick lunch, and as we're sitting down to eat I say to Micah "I can't believe I'm twenty-five."

"Well, you are," Micah replies.

"But I don't feel twenty-five," I say.

"Well, you look twenty-five," he says.

I'm still not sure how I feel about that.


4. I saved the best thing for last! My step-brother and Dana had their little boy today! His name is Deegan, and he's just about the cutest thing you ever saw!

I'm so happy that I get to share my birthday with such an adorable little man! And when he's all grown up and celebrating his twenty-fifth birthday like I am today, I'll be... oh my goodness let's just save that math for another day, shall we?